Some thoughts following 2 full days of sunshine

After fourteen hours of sleep last night and a nice nap on my couch this afternoon, I think I've finally recovered from my crazy, stressfully obsessive fixation with getting the last project done in a way that I (although it was definitely a "we" project, my motivation in putting in lots of time was more how I, not we, would feel about it) could feel proud of. In general, I have started to feel frustrated about not being able to turns ideas into reality-- fixating so much on the process and not the product has helped me be very conscientious of how I work, how I think, and seems to have somehow opened me up creatively, but I think in general my craftsmanship and execution may not have been up to the same level as my idea-making. In the case of this project, I don't think that was true at all. I am at least as project of the object itself as I am with the performance it was used in service of.

I had so much fun in the park yesterday. That wasn't necessarily the point, but it was still great. I loved that there were kids. And a trombonist. And blue skies, and plastic noisemakers. Thank you to everyone for taking part and for being such good sports about the whole thing. Especially thank you to Jake who put up with my crazy mania, especially during the last day.

I've been thinking about whether I enjoyed the process of making the piece. It's hard for me to say. When I think back on the process, I think mostly of feeling obsessive, in a way that was both motivating and exhausting. I'm very proud of the project that Jake and I made, and I know that the amount of work we put in was necessary for it to work, and I know that I learned a lot in the course of the project, but I don't think that level of intensity is necessarily sustainable... Things to think about.

I was sort of disappointed in the crit. I don't feel that I got that much out of it that can help me make future projects better, which, in the end, is what I want to get out of a critique.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing pictures/video of the procession itself, since I only have the before and after shots.

I need to motivate myself for this next project. I have lots of ideas, but also lots of desire to sit out in the sun and do nothing.